Quiet

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Sometimes, I sit down at the computer and words just pour out of me.  There is no struggle about what I should share because I have already gone through it about a thousand times in my head!  I write, and somehow my head is less cluttered and my heart feels more settled.

Other times, I sit down at my desk and tap on the keys but no words are formed.  My hands just hover lightly, as if they know they should be typing, but that there is some disconnect between my brain and the tips of my fingers.  I get a kind of antsy-ness.  I don’t want to force anything out that shouldn’t be shared just yet, but somehow I have this feeling that I need to say SOMETHING; if I could just figure out what exactly it is!

I’m pretty sure that this post is gonna be like that last thing I said up there!

Things seem to be a little quiet.  Which, has to be a theme or something I need to get comfortable with, because when I looked back at the last thing I wrote (about three weeks ago), I felt the same way.

Just, quiet.

Sure, I could tell you about my latest teenager drama.  I could write about the falling leaves, or the wind and rain.  I could probably even tell you some of the things I’ve discovered about my relationships/friendships/parenting philosophies, and how these things relate to how I see God.  But, I just can’t seem to get any of it to make sense in black and white.

So, I am going to choose happy this week because it’s okay to be quiet.  Sometimes we just need to listen.  To just sit quiet and let the words stay in our hearts a little longer.  It’s okay to be still.  To let Him make sense of what seems to make none.  Let Him be the one who perfects the timing.  Let Him be the one who speaks just the right words at just the right time.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.  Its a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. 

Lamentations 3:25-26 (MSG)

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Quietly Before Him

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It’s been kind of quiet around here lately.  Not the type of quiet where you are just sitting doing nothing; trust me its been plenty busy.  It’s the kind of quiet where it feels like the world is going about it’s business, and I am in the middle of it’s whirlwind.  I am watching everything go on in slow motion around me.  Like I am in the eye of a storm…that kind of quiet.

I am still, and world is spinning around me, and I am waiting for the next thing.

I have heard over and over that waiting time is not wasted time.  That you grow the most during the waiting.  That waiting is the best thing you can do, when you aren’t exactly sure what you should do.  But, if I am being honest, seasons of waiting cause the most frustration.  Especially, when I am not completely sure what it is I am waiting for.  I am just waiting.

The days come and go, and I am really not any closer to whatever it is I am waiting for.  The little positive is that every morning the sun comes up I find myself one day further from the unknown.

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We are all waiting for something, right?!  For our kids to grow, so we can FINALLY use the bathroom alone.  For the bills to be paid, so we can ESCAPE on that great vacation.  To get enough experience, so we can finally MOVE ON to that dream job.  Even things as small as the laundry, or coffee in the microwave, the mail, or the school pick up line involve more waiting.  And little things seem bigger.  And frustration edges out contentment.

While I have been feeling a little stuck in this vicious cycle, I came across something C.S. Lewis wrote.  He said,

I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him (or her) to wait.

Then, I stumbled upon I Peter 1:6,

So, be truly glad there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.”

I am so grateful for little pieces of encouragement placed along the way.  Words placed right in front of me when I least expect it, and am distracted in my waiting.

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I will choose happy this beautiful Sunday night because of God inspired words and perfectly timed encouragement.  These aptly placed words have shown me that His eye is on sparrow even in eye of the storm, and suddenly seasons of waiting are filled with possibility instead of frustration.

Keep Calm and Wait a Little Longer

In 3 short days, I am going to be 19 years from my 18th birthday.  That’s right, I will be further from 18 than I am close to it, yikes!!!!  Don’t get me wrong, the past 19 years have been great!  Let’s see; I planned a wedding, got married, started a family, graduated from college, and became a nurse.  We also moved 4 times, bought a couple of cars, built a house, and changed churches.

I have seen people come into and walk out of my life.  Some of whom I have been happy to see go, and others I still grieve over.  How can 19 years sound like such a long time, but in reality go by so fast?

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IMG_9294It seems like just yesterday Clint was proposing!  We got married and bought our first home.  Then, all of a sudden, Jaden was taking his first steps and we were finding out that he was going to have a sister.  Then, a few months after Isabella was born, we got the surprise that has always been Olivia.  Now, Jaden is talking about drivers training, and the girls are starting to rethink this whole sharing a room thing!

This birthday just feels different.  Like I can’t possibly be that far from a time in my life that held so much possibility.  Mostly, because I still see such hope and possibility in front of me!  And, of course, suddenly 40 is really, REALLY close!

And time keeps flying, and we wait for the next milestone….

Sometimes, I feel like all I do is wait.  For a baby, to finish school and become a nurse, to get a job in the NICU, to be able to stay home with the kids, to be comfortable with where and who I am…waiting, waiting, and then more waiting.

I can be really impatient most times (okay, ALL the time), and that leads to me trying to fix things.  I try to get everything exactly HOW I think it should be, exactly WHEN I think it should be.  I get so frustrated realizing that there are some things completely out of my control!

EVERY.  SINGLE.  TIME.

Then, this really wise and handsome guy (who I get to call my husband), pointed out that without waiting it’s really hard to trust.

I always seem to forget there are situations where the only solution is waiting and trusting.  Waiting to see God come through; because He is enough.  Trusting He has my best interest in His heart; because His love never fails.

That His timing is perfect.

The thing is, when I take a step back and look at that list up there; that list full of waiting.  His hand is everywhere in that list.  During those times of waiting, those times that seemed so frustrating, the times that felt so quiet, where He seemed silent and almost indifferent to my waiting…to our waiting.  Those are the times that forced the most growth.  The times where all we could do was wait, those are the times we were forced to find refuge in Him.  Those are the times we learned to trust.

 That list up there is full of answered prayers.

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During these last 3 days of my 36th year (and hopefully from here on out),  I will choose happy because He ALWAYS comes through!  He is always showing me how trustworthy He is, even especially in the waiting.

 

 

 

 

Find Me

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I have said it before, and I am sure I will say it again; I love Fall!  The colors, the smells, the crisp air…I could go on and on and on!  I mean, I haven’t even mentioned Thanksgiving, or pumpkin, or mums, or how great it is to have a chai tea latte while watching football on a crisp Saturday morning.  See, I told you I can go on and on ♥

A couple of weeks ago, my hubby and I were talking about how the trees around us didn’t seem to be changing colors.  They were still pretty green, and I was getting antsy for the world to not only feel like Fall, but to look like it too!  Our backyard is gorgeous in the Fall.  We have the perfect mix of birch and maple trees, and they never cease to amaze me with the bright yellows, oranges, and reds they display.  This year the color change was taking forever!  Then, in the blink of an eye, it was here!  We woke up one Saturday morning and the trees were outstanding.

I wished I could just sit on my couch and take in the fabulous color.

All. Day. Long.

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One of our trees is exceptionally beautiful.  It sits just outside our family room window, and has the picture perfect blend of red, yellow, and orange.  When the sun shines in the morning, the rays catch it from behind and it looks as if it’s on fire.  It is gorgeous!  Fall beauty at its best.   The day went on, and we both admired the tree.  Each of us remarking how happy we were that it had finally changed.  How the light in the family room was completely different.  That is was even more cozy in our home because of this tree!  Mostly, just how absolutely blessed we were to have this display in our backyard!

Sunday morning, we came downstairs ready to leave for church, and needing to sneak another peak at the tree.  Both of us stood in the room completely still and in total shock….the tree was bare!  Overnight, it had dropped every single leaf from its branches.  It just stood there gray and empty.  The light in the family room had changed again, as the sun shone through the window, with no leaves to catch.  We couldn’t help but feel just a little bummed.  It happened so fast.  It was over even though it had just started.  I wanted to look at it more.  I know, I know, I sound kinda whiny…..but it really was that beautiful.

Then it was just DONE.

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How many times have you felt done?  Like you have given all you had to give?  Laid bare all that you are, and found yourself in a season that seems cold and empty, because you have done everything you know how to do?  I have definitely been there.  It can be lonely to look around and feel like you are spent.   Like your season has come and gone, and you are just standing empty.  Waiting for the next time you can be used….be beautiful….be seen.

Oh, Oh, Oh!

How much I want you to understand,

the time you spend waiting is NEVER wasted time!

See, that tree is gonna spend all Winter waiting.  In the waiting, it is going to draw nourishment.  It may look empty, but inside it is reaching deep into its roots and pulling up all it needs to survive.  Spring will bring rain and that tree will be refreshed.  It will bloom again and begin to fill up.  Summer sun will cause those buds to burst open and provide shade and shelter to world beneath it.  When THIS season comes again, and this tree is called upon to be seen again, to be beautiful once more, and to be used, it will give what it has stored up in a minute.  No hesitation.

Oh, that I would be found like that tree!  Wanting to give.  Willing to lay all that I have at the feet of Jesus.  Letting go of all that I have stored up.  At a minutes notice, with no second thoughts, I want to be found putting aside my goals and my desires to be used up for Him.  Giving my all, my very best, so I can be filled up with more of Him and less of me.

In every season.

Willing to be filled, so I can be emptied for His glory.

Just like the trees in the backyard.

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