Hebrews 10:23 and A “Kind of” New Years Resolution

Hebrews 10:23

Let us holdfast to the confession of our HOPE without wavering, because HE who promised is faithful. 

I have written a little about how hard 2017 was.  And, I hate to make resolutions and look to the New Year as a new start.  Honestly, resolutions makes me cringe.  I have always just wanted to start over and get going whenever I feel it’s necessary and not wait for a magic time, or put off something because it will somehow be easier when the calendar turns over.  But, here I go…maybe I am turning over a new leaf, or maybe I’m just getting old; I did turn 40 in 2017!

I have been singing in church since…well, I am not even sure.  The first time was in a play with the kid’s choir; I think I was 10ish.  It was a cute little play about grace, and I sang my little heart out (my first solo) about how she (grace) “was alive and well and living in our town.”  I remember every single word of that song.  But, mostly I remember how I felt when I sang it.  It may have been just a silly little kid’s play but the words of that song found a place in my heart and I knew I was made to sing, to praise, and worship.

I went on to sing in youth choir, and on our youth praise and worship team.  I went to fine arts competitions and sang in the choir at school.  And, then I grew up and got to sing in the big church choir and on the big church praise team and worship team too.  My love for singing transformed into a genuine love for leading people in worship.  It is a humbling experience to be able to lead others into worship while doing it yourself.

I have never felt so close to God as I do while I am worshipping my heart out.  I feel a closeness that I find myself longing for when I go about my day to day.  So much that I usually listen to worship music and play it over and over in my head, and my house, and my car, and my office as I go throughout the day 🙂

Music makes my soul breathe.

And then it didn’t.

I found myself struggling to sing the words to anything.  I stopped listening to music almost all together.   Certain songs that I once loved to hear, and spoke life to my heart made me feel bitter and alone.  I wasn’t singing anything anymore and it made my heart ache.  I found myself lost in worship at church.

Not in a good way.

I couldn’t concentrate.  I couldn’t say the words, let alone sing them.  Sometimes the words would make me cry and long for the time that was before this time.  Sometimes the words would make me angry and want to run out of the room.  I did…twice.  I felt utterly and completely alone in an area of my life where I once found refuge and home.

And, it hurt.  This feeling of isolation and disconnection from a source that had once been a lifeline was painful.  Confusion added to the pain because a place of safety had started to feel dangerous to me.  And, honestly A LOT of places last year felt dangerous and scary…

2017 was such a year of extremes.  The highest highs (did I tell you we went to Scotland!!!) and some pretty low lows.  But, lately I have been reminded of a truth.  A truth that has been alluding me or I had been ignoring (I do that sometimes).  Maybe, what I should write is…I was just hit over the head with a longstanding truth! 

I was/is/will NEVER be disconnected from THE SOURCE who is/was/will ALWAYS be my LIFELINE.

Sure, I can be distracted by life, and feelings, and circumstances.  My family can feel out of touch because of opposition and battle.  My marriage can take work and my parenting can challenge me in ways I never imagined.  

All of those things should draw me to worship Him with my life not just my song.

Worship IS what we were created for, but we were created for more than singing and songs.  We were created to worship with our marriages, with our families, with our friendships, with the work of our hands, AND with our lungs.  This displacement I have been feeling has opened my eyes, and ultimately my heart, to the parts of my life that were longing to be included my worship of our creator!

I am drawn to my knees and reminded that He, the one who is THE SOURCE and THE LIFELINE to my soul, is always with me.  Even in the dangerous and scary places.

It urges me to worship even when my feelings are a distraction and it doesn’t look familiar.  Even when it takes me a little while to process the battle I am facing and helps me realize that any fight becomes a victory when worship is my weapon.

So, my “kind of” resolution is to remind myself, and encourage you, that He promised and He is faithful.  Victory is coming, whether we feel it or not.  And, I hope to be found worshipping the heart out my chest without or without music.

**But, here are two…okay, three songs that may help you get started**

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Two Weeks Too Late

It’s snowing!

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Everything that was gray, and gloomy, and dark is now white, and cheery, and bright.  I was SO wanting this snow for Christmas.  You know, the picture perfect holiday.

Snow covered trees, a fire in the fireplace, hot chocolate, sugar cookies, and of course twinkle lights.  Lots and lots of twinkle lights!  I am convinced that family around the tree, with Bing Crosby crooning in the background, feels better with snow on the ground.

However, the picture I dreamt about was a little more beautiful than the reality.

Instead, it was a gloomy, rainy, grayish brown  holiday.  It felt odd to play Christmas music.  The decorated cookies felt out of place, and even the fire seemed too warm because I could see the grass outside.  To be completely honest, I feel like this snow is really, really late!!!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely beautiful, but where was it two weeks ago?!!

Even though the snow was absent, in my opinion, this little Myers family had one of the best holidays on record!  We spent time together, spent time with family, and of course got to sleep in!  We really didn’t have any obligations so we were able to relax and enjoy each other along with our presents!  We even got to read a few books too 🙂

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I don’t want to admit it, but I am pretty sure that the lack of snow contributed to the awesomeness of our Christmas break.  Honestly, the absence of the white fluffy powder outside made me re-examine my expectations.

I was no longer striving to make everything Pinterest-picture perfect and traditional.  It was pretty clear that this year was going to be anything but traditional for us.  No snow, and a change in our Christmas-eve-at-the-in-laws tradition definitely shook up the norm!

We usually watch Christmas movies leading up to the holiday, no matter how late we have to stay up to accomplish it; we didn’t.  We usually set out cookies for Santa, even though we’ve kind of outgrown it; not this year (FYI: that one made my heart just a little sad).  We usually get Starbucks and drive around and look at lights; nope, everyone wanted to stay home that night.  And, it was okay…

I decided to just let stuff happen.  And, you know what?

It turned out to be perfect anyway! Maybe the key to choosing happy is not having any expectations?  Well, that sounds a little cynical, but….

Maybe living without expectations and in complete surrender to what is going around us make us depend more on each other.  In turn, maybe this forces to be completely pliable in the hands of our Creator, and more open to what He has wants us to be.

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As we start 2015,  I am going to do my best to let go of expectations.  The ones I place on myself, the ones I place on others, and the ones I place on my Creator.  I want to give my all to the One who holds my heart.  To find myself at home in His love.  Trusting completely that He will exceed any expectation I could dream up anyway.  Letting go of all that I think I am or should be,  so that I can be who He wants me to be.  Allowing Him to replace my fear with His freedom!

On, this very snowy and very white week in January, I will choose happy because even though I feel like it was two weeks too late, He makes everything beautiful in His own perfect time.