This Blog has NO Title (so it was never actually written)

Today is the day! The last football game for the Freshman/JV team.  This is of importance to me because both of my guys have been up-to-their-eyeballs involved with football since the beginning of June.  And, this involvement has taken over any kind of life/schedule/family since that fateful day.  Of course, it’s probably not as bad as I am making it sound, but it will be nice to eat dinner as a family sometime before 7pm again!

I mean, I like watching my almost 15yr old son get knocked around by other almost 15yr old boys as much as the next mom, especially when that son is a messy/arguing/always-right teenager, but all good thing and such…

**disclaimer-No, I do not actually enjoy watching my son get hit during football.  No, it is not some weird form of punishment inflicted on him for his mouthy little mouth.  Yes, my heart is in my throat each time that ball is snapped.  Yes, you should realize I am simply trying to find some humor in this teenage maze that is my life right now**

It has been crazy over here.  Between coaching and work, it feels like Clint and I have been on different schedules since the beginning of summer.  Between school and practice, it feels like I haven’t said more than a few words to Jaden since classes started.  Also, I have had more one-on-one mommy/daughter time with my almost teenage girls than any one mom should be allowed without some kind of mental health monitor following their every move.

It has felt like we are just going through the motions, and checking off to-do’s, so we can get to the end of the day.  Because, at the end of the day we can find each other and commiserate about the last time we actually sat down and, just…well, the last time we sat down!

Please, tell me I am not the only one who feels this way.  That going through motions, and feeling like you are doing the work with no real sense of accomplishment is a common thing, right?

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook the other day about running and not using her Map My Run app; like if you didn’t turn the app on did it even really happen kind of thing?  I have to admit that’s how it feels to me; no app, no credit.  Like I never laced up the shoes or hit the pavement.  I know, I’m a little crazy like that.  It needs to be on the list at the end of week; it just has to!

Wow, does my life feel like this right now!  Like I am running around doing all of these good things, but I forgot to turn on the app that gives me credit!  It’s like it never happened.  We come to the end of the week, just to do it all over again and it’s the same stuff just a new week.  Even, my devotional/prayer time has felt kind of quiet.  But, I keep going through the motions and keep on keeping on…

Then, something happened and I had to stop and pay attention.  I woke up one morning, after a pretty crappy night of no sleep and fighting kids, to find my self thanking God, praying, and just feeling very grateful.  That’s right, I woke up with words of thanksgiving running through my head and my heart before I was even completely conscious!

Wait!  What?!!!

I write all this, not to make you look at me and think I have it all together.  Because, trust me…I don’t!  And, if you think I do, this is clearly your first time here.  Welcome!!!

I do write this to tell you that you ARE getting credit for all of those little things you do.  All of the items that get done without a second thought; the things that get done just because that’s what you do.  It may not seem like it now, but it all counts; even if we forgot to turn the app on.  Our hearts are paying attention even when our heads are in a million different places.  That’s why we keep on keeping on.  Even if it seems like we have no time to spare and it’s just another to-do.  We spend time with the One who stays in confusion and chaos, because even when it feels like no one is hearing us, or that no one is paying attention to our work we still get credit for it.

So, I am choosing happy this week because even when it seems quiet or feels like I am just going through the motions, and even when all I can seem to do is stand; my heart is still listening.  My heart gets it even when I don’t, and that is a very happy thing if you ask me.

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This? This is just hilarious and I thought you all should enjoy it too!

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Glances

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I am pretty sure I am one of the most mentally unstable moms out here when it comes to back to school!  My emotions are all over the place as THE DAY approaches and summer starts to come to an end.  You can see me gritting my teeth as I break up yet another fight over who gets the TV remote.  But, in the next second watch me hug the very necks I feel like I am about to wring because suddenly there is a back to school commercial playing in the background.  Seriously, what is my problem?!!!  I love the routine of school, but I equally HATE the routine of school……

Don’t get me wrong, I love having my kiddos home with me.  But don’t misunderstand either, I savor the hours of the day when they are safely at school and I can get groceries, read a book, or have lunch with a friend.  I so enjoy the lazy mornings that summer brings.  However, there is nothing like crawling back into bed after everyone is on the bus.  Pool days with the kids are the best.  But, actually getting to sit on my couch with only the noise of the laundry in the background is pretty awesome……well, yeah it is just very, very AWESOME!!!  See, I just cannot decide how I feel on the subject of back to school.

I remember the pre-school days.  The days that bled into each other as I wandered aimlessly through diaper changes, potty training, bath time, breastfeeding, chasing toddlers (I was and am still outnumbered), and finally the war that was bedtime.  Only to wake up (in the middle of the night) to start all over again!  Every year as back to school approaches I remember those days more fondly than any sane person should.  Every year around September I am reminded that I will never again live those early days over and over and over again.  They don’t need me to brush their hair, or dress them.  They don’t need me to make sure they don’t fall out of bed anymore, or sit on the floor until they are asleep because they are scared.  Every year around this time I get sad.

I remember the first day of school for  all three of my babies.  I remember watching them put their backpacks on, grab the lunch boxes, and wave at me from the steps of the bus.  I can clearly see all three of them getting taller and more beautiful every year.  I can see so much of  “us” in them (honestly, it makes me a little nervous).  I see them make good decisions.  I see them make not so good decisions.  I see them look out for each other and I see them fight with each other.  I see them love each other (even though they don’t like to admit it yet).  I watch them become more and more independent.  I watch them laugh, pick good friends, and learn to give.  I see them becoming who God wants them to be.   Every year around this time I get happy.

I don’t think I ever understood the term bittersweet until back to school came around.  It is impossible to understand how you can feel so many emotions in one glance.  The glance I get to relive every 365 days.  The glance that changes a little every year but stays the same in many ways.  The glance that causes held back (and sometimes not) tears as the bus pulls away.  The glance that embodies everything bittersweet holds.

Now, that I’m  full-blown crying (see, I am ALL OVER THE PLACE when it comes to this time of year)….

It’s been a GREAT summer, but I have to come to terms that it’s okay to happy about quiet afternoon or breakfast dates with my husband.  I still love my kids.  It’s a wonderful thing to sneak in a nap before the chaos that is pick up/homework/debrief the day and sort through the drama that is middle school time!  I still love my kids.  And it’s equally okay to be sad that your house feels kinda empty during the day when everyone is at school, but it’s kinda awesome too!  I still love my kids.

Choosing happy may be hard tomorrow, but I guarantee that at this time next week I am going to wonder what I was so worried about; it’s a vicious cycle this being a mom thing!

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Warning: This Post has a Whole Lot of Happy in it!

I was a lucky girl last week and was able to get away with my favorite guy for seven whole days!  Our 17 year wedding anniversary was last Saturday.  You read that right…..17 YEARS!!!  So, what better way to celebrate than on a beach in Mexico?  I can’t think of any 🙂  We had the best time and even ended up getting a little homesick (just a little though).  Last week I also became an auntie again!  It is just so great to buy little, tiny, baby girl clothes again!  I honestly, cannot stand the cuteness!  My sister is probably going to have to tell me to stop……

Warning: this post has a whole lot of Happy in it!  

I put the warning in place because this is one of those times when it has been easy to be a happy girl!  Everyone in my house is getting along (I have a teenager), the school year is almost done (don’t even get me started on packing lunches and homework), everything is FINALLY colorful again, and did I mention that the school year is almost done!  Now, I realize I am writing this after a week away from responsibility and I my thoughts are all lovey dovey and infused with visions of serenity and palm trees but…….

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I am tired of living my life waiting for the other shoe to drop!  I am fed up with weighing each moment with the thought “Yeah, this is great, but what is going to happen next?”  I am over trying to remember the last bad thing that happened to us and trying to figure out if we are due for our turn again.  So, instead I am doing my best to live in the happy moments that I get each day!

I know firsthand that this is a hard thing to do, and it doesn’t mean that every moment is going to be all gum drops and lolipops…..but I am going to make every effort possible to stop living my life expecting the negative to be waiting around the corner!

So, this post has a lot of happy infused in it!  My friends are incredible, my family is just plain awesome, and my husband is seriously the best in the world (and NO he did not pay me to say that)!  I serve a God who keeps pursuing me even though I am the one needs Him.  A God whose grace is all consuming and whose mercy is unfathomable yet He GIVES it to ME!  How could I even think of asking for more?

See?  Lots of happy 🙂

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Someone please come back remind me I wrote this….. 😉